


We Need Help

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24727495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Maddie is convinced Chimney is cheating on her, and begs him to tell her how she can fix it.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Kudos: 11
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	We Need Help

He hasn’t touched her in weeks.

If she hadn’t hated her body enough already, she was sure she loathed it now. Amelia was twelve weeks old and Maddie was struggling to get her body back to the way it _used_ to be. Back when Chimney would actually touch her.

It only made sense in her own mind that she was the problem. That Chimney had probably found another solution. His shift had ended approximately five hours previously and he still wasn’t home or answering any of her texts.

She doesn’t know how or when she managed to fall asleep, curled up on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around her body as she longed for the times when Chimney would come home straight after work. The sound of the door shutting causes her to jolt awake, rubbing her tired eyes as she watches the way her boyfriend stumbles around the apartment, hushing himself. Her hands move to grab her phone, biting down on her lip when she sees its two in the morning.

“Where have you been?” The sound of her voice causes him to pause, looking over at her with a frown.

“Out.” Is the only answer she gets from him, and it’s so un-Chimney like that she feels the surge of pain run through her as it so often does these days. “T-that’s not an answer…” She mumbles, and he just shrugs his shoulders.

“That’s the answer I got.” Maddie stands up, chewing on her bottom lip as she walks over to him, taking a deep breath when the distinct smell of perfume wafting off him, lipstick stains on his collar. She’s been hurt by someone she loved before, and somehow she’d take a punch to the stomach right then over the crushing feeling in her chest.

“Y-you w-were with someone…” There’s no attempt to stop the tears from falling, her bottom lip quivering. She thinks it would be nicer if he just ripped her heart out and got it over and done with. “I don’t understand… I never thought… y-you would… betray me like this. W-what did I do?” She goes straight to that place, and she hates herself for it – but surely it can’t be a coincidence that Doug would hurt her physically and Chimney would destroy her emotionally. She’s the common theme, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Doug must have been right; she was the problem.

“Just tell me what I did wrong and I’ll fix it. Do you-I-I can lose weight? I can… I can be better, I can try harder… I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what I’ve done, please?” She’s begging, her hands taking his until he yanks them away as though just the thought of touching her disgusts him.

“It’s nothing to do with you. This is my problem, stop-it’s not always about you.” She watches as he stumbles backwards, putting as much distance between the two of them as he can, his head shaking. She’s too caught up in her own self-hatred to notice the way his chest is rising and falling rapidly, the way his breathing hitches.

“I just want to fix us. You promised—”

“A lot of people make a lot of fucking promises Maddie! Hen sat in this apartment and told me she was worried I’d out-grow her but it’s her! It’s her that’s outgrown me and I’m so fucking stuck. And I hate myself because there’s this ceiling above me that I’ll never get through because I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough to be Captain, I’m not good enough to be a doctor, I’m not good enough to be your husband, I’m not good enough to be a dad. I’m not fucking good enough!”

By the time it’s over, when all that can be heard in their apartment is the sound of both of them breathing heavily, tears falling down both their faces, he collapses to his knees. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry!”

Despite how she feels right then, it’s almost automatic to drop down beside him, not reaching out to touch him as he rocks back and forth, pulling his knees to his chest tightly. “Did she make you feel better?”

“W-what?” It’s enough to break him from his own thoughts, apologies falling quietly from his lips, until he sees the look on her face. “It’s where you’ve been, isn’t it? With someone else… b-because…”

He’s looking at her for what seems like the first time in so long, noticing how exhausted and defeated she looks. Quickly shaking his head, “God, no, never, I would never—I wouldn’t do that, Maddie. You know I wouldn’t do that.” Her words from just five minutes previously finally register in his mind and he finds his fist curling around her top, pulling her closer to him.

A massive miscommunication.

Chimney’s not sure it’s possible to hate himself even more than he did before he walked through the door of their apartment. But there it is, that undeniable, all consuming self-loathing that forces tears to come streaming down pale cheeks, dropping his legs to pull his girlfriend onto his lap with relative ease. “We’re a mess.” He mumbles into her hair, hating the way her body is wracked with heavy sobs, her face hiding in his chest. “W-we need to talk, Maddie. We need help.”


End file.
